30 Days of Thankfulness!

This month I stole a post from a friend on facebook , she was doing something she was thankful for everyday. I decided to do the same and I have compiled them in this blog for everyone's reading pleasure.

Day 1 of 30 Days of Thanks- I am thankful to have my Grandma Mable still in my life, at 71 she is amazing and I would be lost without her help, encouragement, listening ear, wise advise, and crazy moments that make me laugh ♥

Day 2 of 30 Days of Thanks- Today I am thankful to be a free American citizen, with the right to vote and make my voice heard! Although I feel a may not make much difference because everything has just gone so bad, I am still thankful for that right.

Day 3 of 30 days of Thanks- I'm thankful today for the medical advances that have helped me live beyond the years that was prognosed for me a a child, the gift of these years I am eternally grateful for.

Day 4 of 30 days of Thanks- Today I am Thankful for my handsome, amazing, extraordinary Son Colton! Being told I would never have kids, to be given the amazing gift of being a mother is by far the best thing in my life ♥

Day 5 of 30 Days of Thanks- Today I am thankful for my MOM!! I love her more then anything and could not survive without all her amazing help, she's more then my mom she's my best friend ♥

Day 6 of 30 days of Thanks- Today I am thankful for all my friends! New, Old, Cyber, Close, Distant, all of these friends I appreciate and care for deeply ♥

Day 7 of 30 Days of Thanks- Today I am thankful for my In laws, they are amazing people! Loving, supportive, caring, giving, and all other amazing things ♥

8th Day of Thanks- 7 years ago today I married the most incredible man in this world!! He is an amazing husband and father, he irritates the hell out of me too, but I love him more every year!

Day 9 of 30 Days of Thanks- Today I am thankful for my pets, they are like children to me and I love each and everyone of them ♥ It has been a rough year for us with the animals we lost Dog on Sept 1st, Colton's goldfish died the next week, Diesel tore his ACL a couple weeks later,and our cat that stays outside has been missing for almost 2 weeks. But we will get through it all and I will never give up on them.

Day 10 of 30 Days of Thanks- I am thankful for baby's today! I have the pleasure of watching 7 month old Blake today and it reminds me how special little life's are ♥ and I can't wait for Chasta to have her baby in in April!

Day 11 of 30 Days of Thanks- I am Thankful for all the veteran's past, present and future. For without your sacrifice I would probably not have so many things to be thankful for ♥ Shout out to all on my friends list who have served or serving and are married to someone who has served or serving! Not just the soldiers make the sacrifice the family's give a lot too.

Day 12 of 30 Days of Thanks- I am thankful today for my big brother! He's one of my best friends and is always there for me, I can tell him anything and he always gives me great advice, or a good wake up call if I need it. And like all big brothers he has also torchered me the majority of my life. Here's to you Big Guy ♥

Day 13 of Thanks- Today I am thankful for a roof over my head, clothes on my back and food in my fridge. Because I know not everyone has these things and I am thankful I do.

Day 14 of Thanks- I am thankful for sleep! To say I like to sleep is an understatement! And sleeping in this morning felt amazing!

Day 15 of 30 days of Thanks- Today I am thankful that I had Dog in my life for almost 8 years, she was with me in some hard times and the 2 best times, marrying Brad and having Colton. Today would have been her 8th b-day :( I know I already posted a thanks for my pets, but Dog was special and I will never find another like her.

Day 16 of 30 Days of Thanks- Today I am thankful Brad has a good paying job that has provided for our family and allowed me to be a stay at home mom for the past 6 years.

Day 17 of 30 Days of Thanks- Today I am thankful for good Vets and caring people that fixed Diesel today and are taking care of him until tomorrow.

Day 18 of Thanks- I am thankful for facebook, I get to stay in better touch with so many family and friends, plus I get useless information all the time! LOL and I get to post useless info too :)

Day 19 of Thanks- I am thankful for ALL my family! Near, far, close, distant, aunts, uncles, cousins, grandma's, grandpa's, mom, dad, Brandon and Sarah EVERYONE who is related to me ♥

Day 20 of 30 Thanks- Today I am thankful for my brothers girlfriend Sarah. She puts up with my brother and makes him happy, and that makes me happy and thankful. And for reasons unknown to me he apparently makes her happy too! LOL

Day 21 of Thanks- I am Thankful for my DAD, he is my biggest fan next to Mom and he expects the best from me which makes me expect that of myself. I have to attribute most my good health to him, he never let me skip my treatments and before I had my vest he was almost always the one pounding on me. I hated him for push...ing me so hard on my health when I was young, but I love him for it now. ♥ you DAD

Day 22 of 30 days of Thanks- Today I am thankful for the life God has given me. I am thankful for every part of it, the good and the bad, because without feeling and enduring the bad I would not be able to enjoy the good. And I have said this before and it may sound crazy but it includes everything I have dealt with having CF, it's made me who I am, and I happen to like that person :)

Day 23- Today I am thankful for the great food my family got to eat at Brad's parents for Thanksgiving, it was all very yummy! Thank you Janet and Shannon for doing such a great job ♥

Day 24- I'm Thankful I got to go to an awesome SHINEDOWN concert tonight!! It was so great, and as strange as it sounds it was the first time I have been to a concert!

Happy Thanksgiving everyone! Day 25 of Thanks today I am thankful for my mom's amazing cooking! And time with family ♥

Day 26 of 30 days of thanks- I am thankful I did not go out for black friday, my bed was a much better place to be. I am also thankful I do not have the stomach flu like Brad! He has been up since like 4am either on the toilet or over it :(

Day 27 of 30 Days of Thanks- I am Thankful Brad is feeling better, and that my Mom was able to keep Colton the past 3 1/2 days.

Day 28 of thanks- I am so thankful that Brad did not have to worse of the 2 diagnosis that were possible! And for those that were praying for us ♥ And my mom for once again being able to take Colton tonight :)

Day 29 of Thanks- I am thankful for God and all the prayers he answers for me ♥ And for the ones he doesn't, because I may not see it but he knows what's best :)

Day 30 of 30- Today I am Thankful for Abby, who was the one who inspired my 30 Day's of Thanks! Making speak the things I am thankful for daily has really made me realize how great I have it. And like I have always said there is always someone worse off then you, so be Thankful for what you have daily ♥

So here's to a great November of Thankfulness and going into a great holiday season!

Resent results from clinic

So I went to my 3 month clinic appointment last Thursday. Nothing real exciting about it, I was hoping my PFT's would have increased into the 50% area but no such luck. I was not surprises though after the stressful month I had and losing Dog the week before had a big impact on me. Stress always does for me it really puts me down, I'm not sure why, I mean I know it's bad for everyone but it just reeks havoc on my body. I have been staying in the same range for the last 6 months between 45-47% which is good that I'm not losing any, but I have been striving for almost 2 years to get back in the 50% area. About 2 years ago I got an infection that I couldn't get rid of and I was allergic to the meds that would have been best to treat it. Well after being sick and in the hospital 3 times in one year (the most ever for me), they finally did a desensitization to the med so my body would take it and got rid of the bug. I lost about 15% lung function in that time and have been unable to re-gain it. It is very frustrating to me but I will keep trying. I have also been having a lot of lung pain lately so the doctor started me on 600mg Ibuprofen 3 times a day, he also thinks it will help the inflammation in my lungs. So I will go back in about 3 months and still hoping for improvement.

Colton is back in school now, started 1st grade last week and seems to being liking it much better then last year. We are all still dealing with the loss of Dog and have sad moments, but are doing much better. I have been on a cleaning spree the last few days. I have cleaned out and organized our computer/hunting room, the living room closet, the laundry room, and our bedroom! I am pretty impressed with how good they look. The dust is not helping my allergies, but with nasel wash and spray they seem fine.

Well I guess that's all for now.

Dog the final chapter

Rest in peace Dog 11/14/02- 9/1/10

I had made up my mind, I was going to go get Dog Wednesday morning bring her home, have a couple days with her and make an appointment to have her put down. That all changed Wednesday morning when I got a call from the vet at MSU, Dog had gotten really bad early that morning had a few seizures and was unresponsive basically in a coma. She was suffering and I had to give the vet permission to put her down then. It was devastating to me I wanted to be with her in that moment as she had been with me for some off my hard times, but I couldn't let her suffer just so I could get there that would not be fair. I got around and Mom rode down with me to pick her body up. It was the longest ride to and from Lansing ever, I just wanted to get her home and say goodbye. When I got home Brad and I had to tell Colton. This was very hard, Colton has never known life without her, she has been in his life from day 1. He cried and so did I, although he took it better then I thought he would and in fact told me that he did not think she was going to make it, and she wasn't going to come home, kids have intuition I think that us adults lose. So we wrote her letter's he drew her a picture, gave her on of his stuffed animals that she loved and would go steal from his room when he wasn't home, he also gave her a chap-stick and a Kleenex he had blew his nose on because she loved to eat those things. She was in a big box so we took the lid and wrote messages all over that put her favorite blanket that she carried everywhere and chewed on constantly and toys in with her. Brad and I took an ink print of her paw and plan on getting tattoo's of it soon. My in laws came down and my Mom and Grandma Mable everyone loved her. Brad and his Dad put her in the hole and Grandma said a prayer, we all put some dirt in, and then Brad finished filling it in. I loved her so much! I miss her, my bedroom does not feel the same without her, there is a piece of my heart gone with her. She was a great Dog and friend, she was family.

Dog part 4

She loves laying in the sun

Dog, Diesel, and Colton

Dog and Casper

You can really see her age in this one

So I took Dog to MSU yesterday. They did the initial exam and full history. Then they did more blood work and an ultrasound, at this point I had planned on treating her medically with a drug and diet. I left her there a couple hours for them to do their tests and they called me back when all was done and results were back. When I went back and we went over everything it came down to 2 things, the meds would be about $200.00 a day, we could do surgery, or take her home try to make her comfortable and eventually have to put her down within weeks. I opted for surgery so they did a chest x-ray to check and make sure her heart was good for surgery and that looked good. I came home last night very sad I had to leave my baby and she whined when I said goodbye breaking my heart. The plan was that she would have a CAT scan today and they would call me with the results. I was lucky enough to get an update at 9:30pm from a family friend who works nights at the clinic said she was doing good and he would give her extra love while he was there. They called this morning letting me know she had 2 seizures early this morning but had recovered from them and was going into her CT scan. I got another call at about 3:30 with the results from her scan. She has 2 tumors on her pancreas, 1 on her spleen, and her lymph-nodes are swollen. The plan was to talk to the surgeon after she reviewed her case and she is scheduled to go into surgery tomorrow at around noon. I talk to the surgeon at about 5:00. She gave me a run down of insulinoma's and 50% of dog's that show with symptoms it has traveled to their liver, with Dog's very high amounts of insulin she believes that even though it has not shown on the ultrasound or CT scan it is most likely it has spread in Dog as well. Also because of the high amount of insulin she is not sure after surgery that her blood levels will come back up. And she estimates that with Dog's case with surgery she will have about 7 months after surgery and she may not be back to herself. There's no way to tell what will happen until going into surgery, but at this point I am thinking it's time to let her go. I think putting her through a grueling surgery and long hospital stay for "maybe" 7 months of "maybe" good health is not humane. I am very conflicted and have not made my final decision yet. I have been crying pretty much since I got off the phone with the surgeon. I have to make this decision on my own, Brad will support whatever I decide to do but will not tell me what I should do.

Dog part 3

My birthday party Halloween 2007

Dog and Diesel This is where they spend most their time

"Honey you feel awful furry this morning"

Winter Fun

"You talking to me?"

So over the past 5 years after we moved to where we are now Dog has come into aging quite well. Other then the thyroid problem, which she is medicated for, she has been healthy. Getting old suited her fine she liked to avoid Colton because he was always in her face bugging him, she never growled or snapped at him, which surprised me because if he was bugging me like that I probably would have. So she has spent the majority of her time sleeping on my bed to stay clear. Now Colton knows that she loves her belly scratched and gives her the loving she likes. But she has gotten gray in the face and moves slower then she use to. But by gosh if she see's a cat she still thinks she's a puppy and will chase them. The only bad memory I have of Dog is earlier this summer we found 3 kittens who's mother had abandoned. We were going to nurse them back to health and find homes for them. Well Dog got into the pen where I was keeping them and killed them, she just mouthed and shook them until they were dead and then dropped them. I was so mad at her I sent her away to my Mom's for 4 days. I knew it was her natural instinct and everything but I was so mad because Colton had seen it and he was very upset. I forgave her and let her come home. We also added another Dog to our family about a year and a half ago, he's a English Mastiff and his name is Diesel. Dog does not like him at all! But he has learned to leave her alone and steer clear when she comes around. We also have a cat that is outside, this is the only cat that stood up to the dog's when it came around and they tried chasing it, he would not budge and batted them in the face giving them some scratches, he was a stray that stuck around so we name him Stray. And a goldfish named Nickname. So back to Dog. We had noticed a couple times that she didn't seem herself, she would come out of the bedroom more then usual, wander around, she just wasn't herself. We had watched her mom die from seizures and after she would have seizures she would act the same way, I told Brad that I thought Dog was having them and we weren't seeing them because she was either in the bedroom or we were gone. So I made her an appointment at the Vet for a Tuesday, we went in she was not having symptoms and seemed fine, we made an appointment for the following Thursday to do blood work to re-test her thyroid to see if it was off balance. The Sunday before her appointment I woke up to the bed shaking (she sleeps right next to the bed on my side) looked over and she was having a seizure. I got down with her and tried to keep her calm until she came out of it. Called the emergency Vet, they said as long as her temperature was good there was nothing we could do until Monday morning. I call Monday morning and get her an appointment for 3 that day. Brad calls me (I was on my way to Michigan's Adventure) not a half hour later, she was having another seizure. He had to wait for her to come to and she still couldn't move, and have the neighbor lady's come help him carrier her to the car on a blanket. I would have canceled my trip but there was nothing I could do, she would be at the vets all day having test's. They tested her blood and 2 things came back abnormal, her blood sugar was 24, normal range for dog's is 75-100, and she had high amount of ammonia in her system. The vet thought with her symptoms and test that we should test what was called a live shunt, she had to send it out so we didn't know until Thursday that it was not a liver shunt. The whole week she was having these spells and now we know it was her blood sugar dropping. So I had to take Diesel in because he had bites all over his belly, the vet said bring Dog too and we will send out another test, glucose test. So we did, that was last Friday we got the results Wednesday that they are pretty sure she has what is called an insulinoma, a tumor on her pancreas. This tumor secretes insulin all the time so it is taking all the sugar out of her body, if we don't keep her feed every 4-5 hours it makes her blood sugar plummet causing all these symptoms and seizures. So that brings me to tomorrow, the vet said it's is treatable with surgery or diet and prednizone, which is a steroid that will stimulate her body to produce more sugar. I'm taking her to Michigan State University(MSU) tomorrow to have a consultation. MSU is the best Vet school in Michigan. They will reveiw her case and give us advise about what's best for her and her quality of life. There is a lot of different things that factor in to this. These tumors can spread to the lungs, when removed they sometimes come back, and after surgery most only live 1-2 years. This has been very stressful for Brad and I, we love her like a child. It is very costly, if she has everything done they would do for surgery, x-ray, ultrasound, and cat scan it can cost up to $4,500.00. The money is not an immediate issue for us we will figure that out if we have to. My main concern is her life and what is best for her. We are having to force feed her right now because she is so sick of eating all the time, and we have to keep changing what we give her because she gets sick of it fast. The thought of losing her brings tears to my eye's, I had to have my horse put down when I was 17 and my mom had to have our 15 year old Cocker Spaniel put down too around the same time. I know what that loss is and it is heartbreaking for me. I'm praying I can make the right decision and be ok with whatever that is.

I will update after tomorrow when I know more.

Dog Part 2

"Look Ma, I broke him down, he loves me!"

She was getting Big, fast!

If you haven't read Part 1 you should do so with this link Dog my first child part 1


So Dog was a healthy good puppy. She had a few BAD DOG moments, but honestly she was really good, the one thing she did like to do was get into my mom's plants rip them up or tip them over, and my mom is a plant enthusiast so she has lots of plants! But she was getting big! She kept growing and growing and eating though my wallet in dog food. I knew when I got her she would be big since her mom was a large St. Bernard, but I really had no idea she would get as big as she did. I got her in January and was like I said before having huge transitions in my life. She was a huge part of my getting through some tough times. I meet Brad in March and Dog was 4 months old still a puppy, but a very large and playful puppy. Lets just say she was very fond of Brad but the feeling was not mutual! Brad liked to wear hooded sweatshirts with the ties in them and Dog loved to attack and chew on his ties, so she was always on him and in his face. I could tell he really didn't like her, but he liked me so he pretended it was fine and that he liked her. He learned to love her over time. By the time she was a year old I had gotten married, moved to a new house and was gonna have a baby in a few months. I was really worried about bringing Colton home to this huge dog, I knew she would never hurt him intentionally but might on accident. She loved to greet you at the door in your face with kisses by jumping on you. We loved this but it would not be ok with a baby in tow. We broke her of this habit by greeting her at her level more calmly and giving her love before trying to run in and ignore her. After Colton was born she calmed down a lot! This is when she started getting less attention. But she stilled loved to chase cats, play with the neighbor dogs and chase people riding horses. She was a great Dog only leaving the yard to go to the neighbor guys house, for good reason, he would make her homemade meals! One night she got left out while I was gone and a rain storm started before I got home. I got home and searched frantically for her, she was no where to be found went to bed worried sick only to find the next morning he had let her stay with him when it started raining and she stayed the night on his couch. Some of her other cooky habits that drove us nuts and made us laugh, she liked to bite at your hands if you had gloves on, and chase and bite at your feet with boots or shoes on! It was weird, annoying and hilarious at the same time. When Dog was almost 2 we decided to get another dog, we thought it would be good for her and she would be able to teach the puppy the good habits she had. So we got a yellow lab mix and we named him Casper. They were good together, but he was much harder to train and that was Brad's job this time because I was taking care of Colton who was 7 months old. Well over the course of a year we had moved again, Casper ended up being tied on a chain all the time because he was a runner and I couldn't keep my eye on him and an infant. So Dog was back to the only Dog in the house. Colton loved her and until recently she was not a fan of his. Over the years she has been a great dog probably been ignored more then she should have, and has spent a majority of her time sleeping on my bed. She developed a skin problem and gained a lot of weight, we found out she has a thyroid condition this caused her skin problems and her weight to get up to it's highest of 175! She has been on meds for this a couple years and has lost a lot of weight down to 130 and her skin is shinny and smooth again. I have such a bond with her that she senses when I'm sad and will seek me out to try and make me feel better. She knows when I am getting sick, I can almost tell when I need Iv's by how she treats me, she won't leave my side and follows me everywhere. The first time I had to go in the hospital that Colton was old enough to realize I was going to be gone, I was very upset while I was packing started crying and having an anxiety attack, I laid down on the bed to try and calm myself, she came up on the bed and laid over top of me and would not move until I was calm, and you can not move her if she don't want to be moved! She is special and I love her very much.

Part 3 coming soon

Dog my first child Part 1

Hiding in the the couch cushion

Ripping on Grandma's Hair

Can barely see her hiding behind Dad's Head

Dog is my 7 year old Black Lab Saint Bernard mix. Dog is her name and she is also my baby. This is Dog's story. My brother had a full blooded St. Bernard, Annabell was her name and she got pregnant by the neighbors Black Lab. November 14th 2002 she gave birth to a litter of puppy's (I don't recall the exact number). I love animals, always have, had them my whole life. Dog's, Cat's, Hamster's, Rabbit's, Goat's, Horse's, not all at the same time, well some at the same time. Anyways you get the picture always had pets. When Annabell had her puppy's I did not have a pet and had not had one for a while. I had just moved back home after moving out of my boyfriends house and we had pretty much broke up. So I would go play with these puppy's and feel in love with them, they were all black with white patches on their chest and some had white on their feet. Every time we would go see them there was the runt she would slink to the back of the Dog house and bark and growl at you being tough, while staying as far away as possible. That was Dog. When we were growing up when we would get animals my Dad always made us choice the runt, he thinks they are the best in the bunch. So I took her home when she was 8 weeks old. He said I couldn't keep her, well yeah right I batted my eyes, made him play with her and voila I get to keep her, but there was a stipulation...I had to name her Dog! I had already named her Riley but he called her Dog so much that is what stuck thus her name is Dog. She was the best puppy ever, I had her potty trained in 2 weeks to get me up and go outside, she is so smart and had I took the time to train her could do amazing things, but I just wanted a companion. I had just broke up with my boyfriend of 3 years and she made me feel better. My Dad loved her too and to this day when my dad comes over Dog gets really excited, more so then other people. He took care of her when I worked. I took her to all her vet appointments and got her fixed when she was old enough. This is how I got Dog and the beginning of our story. I will post more soon.