Sunday, April 17, 2011
Most day's I'm ok, I'm strong and independent and for moments at a time even forget I have CF. Today is not one of those days, nor have I had one of those in the past week. I feel sad, lost, home sick, lonely and mad, because I do have CF. I hate days like today. This hospital stay has been one of the hardest, I missed things that were important to me, more then any other stay. Colton's spring break, my best friend having her first baby, and an Easter Egg hunt with Colton. And I think what has made it even harder is I was just here in December, 4 months ago, I have never been back in the hospital in just 4 months. It makes me feel like some sort of failure. If I had just not missed that treatment, or just added one more to my day, it's only 30 minutes or if I would just start exercising like I say every time I'm going to do. I know it's just the way CF works that I probably could have done everything right and I would still be here, but today I don't feel that way. Today I feel sorry for myself, a feeling I hate. And I feel bad because when I talked to my Mom on the phone and told her how I was feeling, trying to make myself feel better, I made her sad too. I'm sorry Mom, I love you, don't feel bad or sad. I'll be better tomorrow I'm sure.