Sunday, July 15, 2012

But I don't want too.....(insert 5 year old whiny voice here)

The last time I was in the hospital was in November, it was pretty routine I had a sinus infection and didn't want it to get out of hand before the holidays. (I realize referring to spending weeks in the hospital as "routine" is kind of ridiculous, but that's my world) So anyways at that point in time it had been 4 months since I had been in, which was not bad considering my spring consisted of 2 stays within 2 months. Well I have now gone 8 months without being hospitalized, which is great, it's been a long time since I've gone that long between a stay. You get where this is going don't you?! Yup I think it's time to head in for some drugs. All the tale tell signs are there, having more day's of not feeling well,laundry not getting folded or taken care of, I moan at night in my sleep when I can't breathe good, Brad says that I do this almost always when I need to go in. It's hard to explain sometimes. Do I feel terrible? No. Do I feel great? No. Do I always let myself slowly feel worse until I realize I need it? Yes. This happens because with the way I feel it kind of happens slow so I adjust to it without realizing it's even happening. Then when I go in get meds and the works, I realize how bad I felt, because when I'm done I feel SO much better. Having a tight chest the last few nights, and having to put on my O2 the other night before going to bed (I only wear it when I sleep, unless I need it which is usually only when I'm at this point) just sitting is kinda the wake up call for me. I said to Brad tonight "I need to go in the hospital" his response "Your just now saying it out loud?" Yeah he knew, he knew I knew, but like the good hubby he is lets me do it on my own time. I don't hate going in the hospital, I know that sounds ridiculous. I hate it more now that it affects Colton and Brad, but growing up being there so much I am kinda use to it. But what I do HATE is going in during the summer! That's more time Colton is home, when I am his primary care giver it makes it hard to be away, not to mention I miss him (although I will admit the first couple days away are not to bad! Oh my gosh I'm a horrible mother, I'm suppose to miss my child every minute I'm away! Well sue me then because that's how I feel! lol). Colton had a hard time last year when I was in a lot, so I'm always worried about him. I talked to him tonight explaining I hadn't been feeling good (he can always tell too though) trying to let him down easy, and he says "well maybe you need to go in then" I said "yeah I probably will" he then said "well better for you to be gone for a little bit then forever". This kid is wise beyond his years, and continues to melt my heart and bring me to tears. Now I really do feel bad for enjoying my first few day's "away"! It's sometimes hard for me having to rely on my in laws and my parents to take care of him while Brad's at work. But he's always in good hands, by the way, I have amazing in laws! I'm looking at my calendar thinking of all the stuff I'm gonna miss, pouting like a baby, my favorite band Shinedown concert, just got my car back from restoration and had some car shows in mind to take it too. Brad being that great hubby again, says "Those things don't matter!" and he's right in the grand scheme of my health they don't matter. But I still hate missing things! I am the farthest thing away from a home body, I am social and love to keep busy, "running' the roads" as we call it. But we live in a very rural area with lots of small towns 5, 10, and 15 miles apart, in which during the summer there is a festival of some sort going on almost every weekend with lots of fun, free entertainment. So I miss out a couple weekends, but I don't want too!!!! (insert that whiny voice again)


  1. Hope you get to feelin better Jame!! Love ya!

  2. Hope you start to feel better soon! Hang in there :)

    The comment that your son made had to melt your heart