Saturday, April 17, 2010
Hospital Stay and words of Wisdom
So I'm in the hospital, my life with CF has included these hospital stays about once a year for the majority of my life. There would be times when I would go longer then a year and at one point I went over 2 years before I had to go in. They are what the Cf world calls clean outs, we may not be real sick or look sick or even sometimes feel sick, but our Pulmonary Function Tests (PFT's) the test that measure's our lung function may be down from what we call our baseline which is how well we do when healthy or our most resent highest numbers. Most recently for me this is when I get a cold or some other run of the mill sickness and it ends up going into my lungs and I feel like crap. I usually call the office or go in to my regular doctor's and get a prescription for an anti-biotic to try to get rid of it with that and more chest therapy at home sometimes it works, sometimes it don't and that's how I ended up "In the Hole" as we like to call it. Colton ended up with pneumonia and about 2 weeks later I ended up with it. Pneumonia is not usually contagious but with my compromised immune system it managed to spread to me. So all my life I have had these clean outs, and as a kid they really sucked, they suck as an adult too, but it's much worse as a child being jabbed with neddles, Iv after Iv staying in bed all the time and not always understanding why. But as I got older even if I didn't like it I began to understand why and although it still sucked I was better at doing it, that is if you get better at going in the hospital. But the thing is I got better or it got easier because of my parents. They are amazing people and I could not have done it or do it without them. I was raised as if I was "normal" like I was the same as my brother (who does not have CF), not aloud to use CF as an excuse to not do things or go after my dreams, not aloud to feel sorry for myself, that I would live a long life even when they were told I would not see High School, and to be and always do the best I could, because even though I had CF my life was still a blessing. But the lesson that stuck with me the most was that no matter how bad your life is or have it there is always someone who's life is worse or has it worse. That has stuck with me through my whole life the one lesson that I carry with me all the time, so that when and if I feel sorry for myself I can think about that and it makes me think twice and stop feeling sorry for myself. So as I have this stay in the hospital and it sucks and I miss my husband and my son, and he cry's because he misses me and I get sad and wish I was home, I go back to that thought, because somewhere in this hospital and probably more then one place in this hospital, someone is saying goodbye to a loved one or a mother never gets to go home to her baby, or a mother never gets to take her baby home because as bad as I have had it that would be worse and I feel bad for those people when I think about it, and that is why no matter how much it sucks or how bad I have it I am thankful for what I have, even if I have CF, because it could always be worse.